What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
