I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
