Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
