even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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