I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I supernannyed him into submission
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
