i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
