Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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