dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
