Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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