yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
