the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
