Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
