Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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