you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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