i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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