guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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