I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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