I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i think we sleep fucked last night...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
