Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
