If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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