every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
