i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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