Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
