So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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