Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
