And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
