laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
