she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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