one word: firstdatebathroomanal
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
