she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
