Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
