Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
