to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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