Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
