Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
