Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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