The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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