I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
