you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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