If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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