The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
