dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
