Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
