That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
