Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
