The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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