I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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