My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
