I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
