the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
