There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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