is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
