If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
