I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the day after is always just damage control
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
