i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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