i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
