I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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