omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
