hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
