All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
