Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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